this is how she's dying
by Sarah Liza Parker
Summary: One-shot, drabble, song-fic with the song Pearls by Sade. "Why couldn't he hear her crying for him?" Set after Doomsday.


**A/N: This is a song-fic with the glorious song: _Pearls_ by Sade. Lyrics from the song are in italics, and quotes from the actual television show, _Doctor Who_, are in italics and are begun and ended with quotation ("") marks. **

**This piece is very short, my apologies, I couldn't find a way to lengthen it in any way. **

**Rated T for self-destruction.**

**Please note that I DO NOT own the song lyrics from the song _Pearls_ by Sade, nor do I claim to.**

* * *

**_this is how she's dying_**

* * *

_there is a woman in somalia_

_scraping pearls by the roadside_

In that last moment Rose had with him before she was taken away, she noticed the way his eyebrows rose in worry and then how his face was wiped blank as she was caught by her father and whisked away from him.

She wondered what he did after she was gone. She imagined he walked over to the towering wall and stared at it for a bit, the realization sitting in. Then perhaps he slowly walked back to the Tardis, boarding it like nothing happened. Cause, maybe Rose was never there after all. Maybe she was on the Tardis waiting for him like she always did. Maybe.

Yet, she was only on the other side of the wall. Crying and sinking down to the floor, scraping her fingers along the paint. Why couldn't he hear her crying for him?

_._

_there's a force stronger than nature_

_keeps her will alive_

Awaking in the mornings was always the hardest part of the day for Rose. Growing so accustomed to starting her days with the Doctor, she didn't know what to do in the early hours anymore. She took up cooking for a bit, until she couldn't handle the association of the cooking bacon with the smell that would waft into her bedroom door on the Tardis as the Doctor would cook her breakfast. So, then she took up painting—painting the sunrise that peaked over tops of the skyscrapers and that reached through the crevasses of the highways. But somehow, on every canvas, a small blue box would appear hovering above the towers.

Her mum had convinced her after many tried and failed distractions to take up a job in the shops, because, perhaps the work would get him off her mind. And that did work for a while. She would wake up every morning via her alarm clock and drive down to the city to the shops and spend the day folding clothes and opening changing rooms.

Eventually though, the itch in the back of her mind won overall, and in her spare time on the job she would find herself wandering aimlessly through the basement.

_._

_this is how she's dying_

_she's dying to survive_

Rose would lie in bed at night and hear the drops fall onto her pillow as her mum soothingly rubbed her back. The heart-shattering sobs and the blown blood-vessels were sometimes too much for Jackie, and she found herself sitting her own bedroom crying.

Jackie thought that the fact Rose never smiled anymore was the most frightening thing of all. Rose was always smiles and cheer, and now Jackie would sigh in relief if Rose could bring herself down the stairs for something to eat.

Rose was supposed to be dead-and she truly was.

_._

_don't know what she's made of_

_i would like to be that brave_

Jackie told Rose that she would eventually stop hearing his voice calling for her at night, but it only grew stronger and stronger until she stood on the sand staring at his face that never changed. She held her hands out and just wanted to touch him in those few minutes they had. But no, he was only an image, and she stood there crying, thinking about how after this their eyes would never meet again, and she would cease to remember what his voice sounded like.

How could she have stood there again being part of another last goodbye? How could she have survived that?

So, she told him she loved him: the last piece of her for him. A gift. A farewell. A heart being broken.

.

_she cries to the heaven above_

_there is a stone in my heart_

There comes a time when someone cannot cry any longer. There comes a time when it finally stops hurting. You become numb. Life does at least give you that mercy of becoming used to the pain.

Rose had never felt so empty before in her entire life. An emptiness that would last for the rest of her life.

"_I made a choice a long time ago, and I'm never gonna leave you."_

.

_she lives in a world she didn't choose._

_and it hurts like brand-new shoes._

That was the conclusion of Rose's life. She was destined for death.

Rose had presumed the prophecy had meant her physical mortality, but in a turn of events, her ultimate demise was her own infinite love for him. The agonizing pain of being apart from the Doctor made her wish she had died that day and gotten sucked up into hell instead of being saved and taken to an even worse underworld.

It made her wonder why she stayed. If this was hell, would he not be in heaven? He was probably waiting for her.

.

"_I'll see you later."_

"_Not if I see you first."_

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**A/N: I believe you can decide for herself whether Rose decided to remain in hell and work for a literal way out, or decided to cheat and fly to the Doctor. Thank you for reading, as always.**

**LLAP and review.**


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